I professionally challenge, ask questions, propose alternatives, and exchange feedback. I love to get together with groups of employees and just talk. Recently I gathered a group, and we just chatted. It was fun. I intentionally asked a tough question to see what the response would be. I was surprised and frankly delighted when the group came up with an answer that seemed like a pretty thoughtful, non-typical answer--an answer I thought made sense. I had really pushed for them to be honest so I felt pretty good that the group was thinking in a new way, what I thought was a healthy way. Here’s the thing. I really, honestly wanted to know what people thought.
Later I found out that there was some grumbling afterward and that a few people had been afraid or unwilling to speak their minds–they wanted to appear like they were aligned with what they thought I wanted; they wanted to be good soldiers.
That's a shame. Yes, I'm not partial to complaining and whining. Yes, people need to get on the bandwagon when decisions are made and be supportive. But that doesn’t equate to a gag order!
If there’s anything I value, it’s opinions! And reason! And guts!
Speak Up is our fourth cultural belief, and people do it far too infrequently.
Don’t get me wrong. Speaking up isn’t easy. Obviously I'm not as approachable as I think I am if people aren't willing to always speak their minds. But it's someting we're trying consciously to improve.
Speaking up for the sake of speaking up doesn’t help anyone, including ourselves. We just come off as wanting to hear ourselves talk. Have you met people who spend brain cycles trying to consider what question will make them sound most intelligent? What a waste that is. Better to use our brains to try to understand things better and to solve problems.
It starts with a sincere
thought. Speaking up when you have a sincere thought, even if it seems like a stupid one, is delightful to the ears. The thought you’re thinking is often the thought others are thinking. It’s the ones that seem really stupid, the one that everyone is unwilling to ask, that will often add the most value to a group. Or those creative thoughts which cause people to think in a different way. those are great ones, too!
The next step is to just
blurt it out! If you have a thought, if you seek understanding, if you disagree, then for heaven’s sake–say so!! It’s ok to press your point. And it’s ok to acquiese. The key is to propel the discussion and the thinking (both the group’s and your own) forward!
Conversation is like ping pong. You serve it up, you wait for the return and then you shoot it back over. You can’t position your paddle in a certain place and hope the ball comes to you. You’ve got to take the ball where it shows up. If your "opponent" gives you massive back spin, you probably don’t want to "top" the return or it will end up in the net. We need to adapt. Likewise, we should use the same sort of verbal volleying when communicating.
We can't just talk. We need to
turn our ears on when communicating; really listen. We need to really
try to understand the point of the person we're talking to; we may very well find that we actually understand them better as a result. Or we may find that we can help them remove the straw from between their ears. In any case, we'll BOTH be better off if we listen.
I desperately crave push back. And we should all do the same. We're striving in our group to improve upon our cultural belief of Speaking Up!!
